VOOR IEDERE “BONUSMOEDER” OF “BONUSVADER” IN EEN SAMENGESTELD GEZIN
Je koos voor hem. Niet voor alles wat erbij kwam.
De “Bonusmoeder” Kickstarter: 111 inzichten voor de situaties waar niemand je op voorbereidde toen je verliefd werd op iemand met kinderen.
E-book · €19,99
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✓ E-book direct in je mail ✓ Meer dan 3.500 lezers
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DE “BONUSMOEDER” KICKSTARTER · HET BOEK
Eén appje van de ex. En je bent er de hele avond mee bezig.
De “Bonusmoeder” Kickstarter is het boek voor iedereen die haar plek zoekt in een samengesteld gezin. 111 inzichten voor de situaties waar niemand je op voorbereidde, van de ex en de kinderen tot je relatie en je grenzen. Zodat je beter begrijpt waarom iets je zo raakt, en wat je kunt doen.
E-book · €19,99
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✓ Meer dan 3.500 lezers ✓ E-book direct in je mail ✓ Bekend van JM Ouders
Hoi, ik ben Nienke.
Ik leef zelf in een samengesteld gezin, ben “bonusmoeder” en moeder, en als “bonusmoeder”coach help ik vrouwen om steviger te staan in hun rol. Dit boek schreef ik voor iedereen die haar plek zoekt in een samengesteld gezin.
BEKEND VAN
HERKENBAAR?
Je houdt van hem. En toch voel je je soms een buitenstaander in je eigen huis.
Je doet je best, houdt rekening met iedereen en probeert er voor zijn kinderen te zijn. Toch voelt het soms alsof jij degene bent die zich steeds moet aanpassen.
De ex stuurt één bericht en de sfeer in huis is anders. Er worden beslissingen over de kinderen genomen waar jij buiten staat. En als je er iets van zegt, wordt het weer een discussie met je partner.
Je wilt hun moeder niet vervangen. Je wilt ook niet te streng zijn, maar je wilt óók niet alles maar accepteren.
Een lezer schreef me: “Voorafgaand aan het lezen van jouw boek dacht ik regelmatig dat ik gek was.” Ze was niet de enige.
WAT JE JEZELF AFVRAAGT
Doe ik het eigenlijk wel goed?
Hoeveel mag ik zeggen als “bonusmoeder”?
Waarom trek ik me dit zo aan?
WAT IK IN AL DIE JAREN ZIE
De ex hoeft niet te veranderen voordat jij meer rust kunt krijgen. Dat betekent niet dat haar gedrag ineens oké is, of dat alles aan jouw mindset ligt. Het betekent dat je kunt leren voorkomen dat het gedrag van iemand anders steeds bepaalt hoe jij je voelt, hoe je reageert en hoe je met je partner omgaat.
Daarom helpen losse tips zo vaak niet. Rust begint pas als je weet wat van jou is, wat niet van jou is en waar jij wél invloed op hebt.
WAT MAAKT DIT BOEK ANDERS?
De meeste adviezen gaan over wat de ander moet veranderen. Dit boek begint bij wat van jou is.
Natuurlijk vind je 111 inzichten voor de situaties die je herkent: de ex, de kinderen, je relatie en je grenzen. Bij elk inzicht kijk je ook naar wat er bij jóu gebeurt. Waarom raakt dit me zo? Wat is van mij, en wat hoort bij een ander? Waar heb ik wél invloed op?
Daardoor krijg je geen lijstje regels dat bij het volgende appje van de ex alweer niet werkt, maar een manier van kijken die je in iedere situatie kunt gebruiken.
“Als ik hoop dat je één ding uit dit boek meeneemt, is het dat je niet alles hoeft op te lossen. Niet alles ligt bij jou.”
✕ WAT NIET WERKT
Nog harder je best doen. Alles oplossen wat er in huis misgaat. Je aanpassen tot je jezelf kwijt bent. En hopen dat de ex, de kinderen of je partner vanzelf veranderen.
✓ WAT WEL WERKT
Weten wat van jou is en wat je bij een ander mag laten. Grenzen die je zelf bewaakt, zonder schuldgevoel. En bewust kiezen hoe jij reageert, ook als de ander niet verandert.
★★★★★
“Voorafgaand aan het lezen van jouw boek dacht ik regelmatig dat ik gek was. Nu weet ik dat dat gelukkig niet zo is. Zowel mijn partner als ik hebben je boek in een adem uitgelezen.”
Barbara
WAT ER VERANDERT
Van “Wat is eigenlijk mijn plek?” naar “Ik weet wat van mij is.”
✓ Je neemt je plek in zonder jezelf weg te cijferen.
✓ Je maakt minder persoonlijk wat niet over jou gaat.
✓ Je stelt grenzen zonder dat het schuldgevoel blijft hangen.
✓ Een bericht van de ex bepaalt niet meer je hele avond.
✓ Je bespreekt lastige onderwerpen zonder dat ieder gesprek escaleert.
✓ Je blijft dichter bij je partner, ook als het ingewikkeld wordt.
“Dit boek was alles wat ik nodig had precies op het juiste moment. In je boek heb ik herkenning gevonden en tips.”
Kimberley, gaat samenwonen met haar vriend en zijn twee kindjes
UIT HET BOEK
Zo ziet een inzicht eruit
HERKENBAAR MOMENT
De jas ligt weer op de grond. Er komt een appje over de wisseldag. Een afspraak loopt anders dan gepland. En voor je het weet zit je hoog in je emotie.
INZICHT 33 · DE 5-5-5 REGEL
Stel jezelf bij stress drie vragen:
1. Maakt dit over vijf minuten nog uit?
2. Maakt dit over vijf dagen nog uit?
3. Maakt dit over vijf jaar nog uit?
Vaak is het antwoord nee. Deze vragen halen je uit het moment en brengen je terug naar wat telt: liefde, rust en samen een leven opbouwen waar je trots op bent.
Dit is er één van de 111.
INKIJKEXEMPLAAR
Blader alvast door het boek
Rustig vormgegeven, met sfeervolle foto’s en 111 inzichten die je in je eigen tempo leest.
Het boek opent met de zin die alles samenvat.
Het voorwoord: waarom ik dit boek schreef.
Hoofdstuk 1: het fundament, beginnen bij wat van jou is.
Zo lezen de inzichten, met een vraag om bij stil te staan.
Klaar om te beginnen?
Lees vanavond al het e-book, of kies de hardcover voor op je nachtkastje.
E-book · €19,99
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✓ VOOR JOU
Dit boek is voor jou als
- je in een samengesteld gezin leeft of op het punt staat erin te stappen
- je je plek zoekt bij de kinderen van je partner
- de ex geregeld voor onrust zorgt in jullie huis
- je grenzen wilt stellen zonder schuldgevoel
- je bereid bent om ook naar je eigen aandeel te kijken
✕ NIET VOOR JOU
Dit boek is niet voor jou als
- je een trucje zoekt waardoor de ex of de kinderen veranderen
- je vooral bevestiging zoekt dat de ander het fout doet
- er thuis sprake is van een onveilige situatie, praat dan eerst met een professional
HOE HET WERKT
Een boek dat naast je ligt, niet een boek dat je één keer uitleest
01
Lees wat nu speelt
Het boek is opgedeeld in zeven thema’s, van de ex en de kinderen tot je relatie en je grenzen. Je begint gewoon bij het thema dat vandaag het meest bij jou speelt.
02
Neem mee wat bij jullie past
Bij elk inzicht zie je wat er onder een situatie gebeurt, wat daarvan bij jou hoort en wat je bij een ander mag laten. Geen samengesteld gezin is hetzelfde, dus jij kiest wat werkt.
03
Pak het er weer bij
Gaan jullie samenwonen, komt er een kindje bij of wordt een van de kinderen een puber? Dan lees je hetzelfde inzicht ineens anders. Daarom blijft dit boek binnen handbereik.
MIJN VERHAAL
Ik weet hoe het voelt om je plek te zoeken in een gezin dat al bestond
Voordat ik “bonusmoeder” werd, hield ik me al jaren bezig met mindset, NLP en persoonlijke ontwikkeling. Toch kwam ik mezelf binnen het samengestelde gezin opnieuw tegen. Mijn plek bij de kinderen. Hun moeder. Onze relatie. Mijn grenzen. En later ook een kindje van ons samen.
Ik begon op te schrijven wat mij hielp, wat ik leerde en wat ik achteraf veel eerder had willen weten. Inmiddels ben ik “bonusmoeder”coach en help ik vrouwen om steviger te staan in hun rol. Vanuit mijn eigen ervaringen, mijn werk als coach en de vele gesprekken met andere “bonusmoeders” ontstonden 111 inzichten. Het boek dat ik zelf had willen hebben toen ik verliefd werd op een man met twee kinderen.
Liefs,
Nienke van der Veen
“Bonusmoeder”coach en oprichter van IKENZNKIDS
Kies jouw versie
Meer dan 3.500 vrouwen, en ook mannen, gingen je voor.
E-book · €19,99
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ERVARINGEN VAN LEZERS
Meer dan 3.500 lezers gingen je voor
Dit schreven een paar van hen, in hun eigen woorden.
★★★★★
“Jouw boek heeft mij anders laten kijken”
Ik ben ruim 7 jaar stiefmoeder van 3 kinderen en samen hebben we nog een zoontje gekregen. De afgelopen 2 jaar lopen we helemaal vast. Jouw boek heeft mij op een andere manier doen denken en kijken naar situaties. Ik heb het boek ook aan mijn man laten lezen en ook hij is zeer onder de indruk.
Merel, al 7 jaar in een samengesteld gezin
★★★★★
“Ik dacht regelmatig dat ik gek was”
Dat mijn situatie en daarbij mijn gevoel uniek was. Nu weet ik dat dat gelukkig niet zo is. Zowel mijn partner als ik hebben je boek in een adem uitgelezen. Het maakt dat we betere gesprekken kunnen voeren over ons samengestelde gezin.
Barbara
★★★★★
“Ik raakte mezelf helemaal kwijt”
Jeetje, ik heb je e-book uit. Ik wil je echt heel erg bedanken, het is stof tot nadenken. Ik heb een hele moeilijke relatie met de ex. Ze zit me altijd dwars, waardoor ik echt een soort haat naar haar heb gekregen.
Miranda
★★★★★
“Precies op het juiste moment”
Ik ga over 2 maanden samenwonen met mijn vriend en zijn 2 kindjes. Soms loop ik tegen situaties aan en voel ik me alleen. In je boek heb ik herkenning gevonden en tips. Ik voel aan alles dat je dit met liefde hebt geschreven.
Kimberley, gaat samenwonen
★★★★★
“In een paar dagen uitgelezen”
Wat een mooi en verhelderend boek. Duidelijk en herkenbaar geschreven. Ik ben zelf bonusmoeder en we gaan binnenkort de stap maken van lat-relatie naar samengesteld wonen. Hoe mooi om dit samen te kunnen doen, vanuit verbinding. Hier voel ik na het lezen van jouw boek nog meer dankbaarheid voor!
Marion
★★★★★
“Ik voel me gezien en gehoord”
Ik moest huilen tijdens het lezen van het boek. Het raakt me. Ik voel me gezien en gehoord en ik voel rust. Dankjewel lieve Nienke.
Lezer
KIES JE HET E-BOOK?
Dan krijg je iedere nieuwe versie gratis
Het e-book krijg je direct na betaling in je mail, als pdf en als Epub voor op je telefoon. En het groeit met je mee: iedereen die het e-book al had, kreeg dit najaar de helemaal herschreven tweede druk gratis in de mail. Dat blijf ik zo doen.
KIES JOUW VERSIE
De “Bonusmoeder” Kickstarter, vanaf €19,99
Eén gesprek met mij als “bonusmoeder”coach kost €125. In dit boek staan de inzichten die ik in mijn gesprekken het vaakst deel, voor een fractie daarvan. Lees hem vanavond al op je telefoon, of houd hem vast en leg hem op je nachtkastje.
NOG TWIJFELS?
Veelgestelde vragen
Staat je vraag er niet tussen? Stuur me gerust een berichtje.
Voor wie is De “Bonusmoeder” Kickstarter bedoeld?
Voor iedereen die leeft in een samengesteld gezin of zich daarop voorbereidt. Het boek is geschreven vanuit het perspectief van de “bonusmoeder”, maar de inzichten zijn net zo waardevol voor “bonusvaders”, vaders, moeders en partners die meer rust, begrip en verbinding willen in hun samengestelde gezin.
Ik ben net een relatie gestart met iemand met kinderen. Is dit boek al relevant?
Ja, en misschien wel het meest. Hoe eerder je begrijpt welke dynamiek er speelt in een samengesteld gezin, hoe steviger je jouw plek kunt innemen en hoe realistischer je verwachtingen worden.
Ik leef al jaren in een samengesteld gezin. Heb ik hier nog iets aan?
Zeker. Veel vrouwen en mannen merken dat dezelfde patronen na jaren nog steeds terugkomen. Dit boek helpt je om met een frisse blik naar jullie dynamiek te kijken en nieuwe keuzes te maken.
Ik heb zelf geen kinderen. Is dit boek dan passend?
Ja. Juist als je zelf geen kinderen hebt, stap je in een bestaand systeem met een geschiedenis, emoties en gewoontes waar niemand je echt op voorbereidt. Dit boek helpt je daarin je weg te vinden.
Is dit boek praktisch of vooral mindset?
Allebei. Bij elk van de 111 inzichten zie je wat er onder een situatie gebeurt, wat daarvan bij jou hoort en wat je in het moment anders kunt doen.
Mijn situatie is heel ingewikkeld. Helpt dit boek dan ook?
Ja. Geen samengesteld gezin is hetzelfde, maar de emoties en patronen zijn vaak verrassend herkenbaar. Of je nu worstelt met de ex, je plek in huis, spanning met je partner of de band met de kinderen: dit boek geeft je richting.
Is dit een zwaar of negatief boek?
Nee. Het is eerlijk, herkenbaar en realistisch, en tegelijk hoopvol. Een samengesteld gezin kan ingewikkeld zijn, en het kan ook ontzettend mooi zijn.
Hoe snel ontvang ik mijn bestelling?
Bestel je het e-book, dan krijg je direct toegang. Bestel je de hardcover, dan wordt deze binnen 2 werkdagen verstuurd (we versturen de boeken op maandag, woensdag en vrijdag)
Je hoeft het niet perfect te doen.
Je hoeft niet alles leuk te vinden. En je hoeft jezelf al helemaal niet kwijt te raken om een goede “bonusmoeder” te zijn.
E-book · €19,99
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Uit De “Bonusmoeder” Kickstarter